Monday, December 20, 2021

A Secular Lessons & Carols


Lesson 1 

Song of Alvin 1:3  -  And there was in those days Hula Hoop-craving, Loop-the-Loop Plane-desiring chipmunks try to alter their usual bratty, destructive behavior in anticipation of the gift-giving season. ~ The Chipmunk Song

Lesson 2 

Impossibilities 4:9   -  And, lo, a child demands a large, mostly herbivorous, semiaquatic mammal and ungulate native to sub-Saharan Africa for Christmas instead of dolls or Tinkertoys. ~ "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

Lesson 3

Second Incisor 8:15  -  In want of missing teeth, a young child eschews the usual list of goodies for the ability to say "Sister Susie sitting on a thistle." ~ All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth

Lesson 4 

Repercussions 31:45  -  Bewailing the possibility of an empty stocking, one frog-in-bed-hiding, ink-spilling, bug-eating-forcer tries to lay blame for his bad behavior on a tattletale. ~ I'm Gettin' Nuttin' for Christmas

Lesson 5: 

First Warnings 6:5  -  Behold, Santa is making a list, checking it twice, and - like your cell phone and Alexa - spying on every little thing you do. So be good for goodness' sake. Until Christmas. ~ Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Lesson 6 

Improprieties 17:12  -  Childhood trauma ensues when mommy is caught tickling and kissing the gift-bearing North Pole resident underneath the mistletoe. Or maybe it was all a big misunderstanding. ~ I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

Lesson 7 

Felonians 23:10  -  And it came to pass that a beloved blue-haired matriarch went too far with eggnog-imbibing and met with a fatal "accident" while making her way home after a party. We are left with the question: Was it an accident? ~ Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer

Lesson 8 

Rug-Cutting 16:25  -  In spite of misbehavior and empty-stocking fear, merriment is encouraged through dancing around a festooned fir tree in this time of caroling and pumpkin pie. ~ Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree

Lesson 9

Ohbygolly 12:22   -  All's well that ends well, as humanity is encouraged to drink a cup of cheer (but not the laundry detergent) and greet everyone they meet for the holliest, jolliest, memory-making Christmas ever. ~ Have a Holly Jolly Christmas