But do not believe a word Gwyneth Paltrow might say. I, yes I, have your perfect detox recipe right here. You don't even have to work it into your system several times a day. Or week. Or month. In fact, I recommend once a week, max. OK, pay close attention. Here it is:
- 2 (or 3, depending on how detoxified you want to be) scoops vanilla ice cream
- 1 (or 2, depending on how flat you want that belly of yours) cups hot fudge sauce
- handful of walnuts, pecans, or almonds (or all three)
- 1 cup (or 2, depending on how brave you are) freshly whipped double cream
- 1 fake cherry, or another cup of hot fudge sauce, or both (depending on how bat-shit crazy you are)
- 1 big ol' spoon
After you have one of these unbelievably tasty detox brews per week, or even every two weeks, you, too, can be flat-bellied untoxicated.
A couple more things are required: get 20-30 minutes of exercise at least 5 times a week (walking briskly is fine, as are a couple of sit ups and vacuuming the living room). And let your kidneys, liver, lungs, and skin do the job they are meant to do - remove the toxins from your system. Unless your natural body-included detoxicators aren't working properly (yes, another visit to the clinic), that's all you need to detox anything you may ingest except for alcohol and drugs. That's right! Your body regularly detoxifies itself! Unbelievable news, I know.
Please don't put these organs out of work. Let them do their job. And don't forget your feet. They like to walk. OK, pass that hot fudge sauce. I have a resolution to keep.