Tuesday, October 24, 2006

The Spooklie Awards

(Not to be confused with the Spoolie Awards, which I shall have to dole out at a later date.)

Scary things are all around us - not just in October - so I am hereby instituting awards that hold aloft the everyday creepy, spooky, and downright blood-curdling stuff of life - past and present, personal and collective, specific and general. Since I'm making them up as I go, no one will be tagged (whew!), but please feel free to add your own categories and also-ran award winners.

Childhood Spooklies

Scariest School Subject:
Algebra. Don't you think it's creepy that they're still looking for "x"? After all these years? And sometimes "a" and "c" as well? Spooky!

Scariest Playground Experience :
Being chosen last for any team game or sport.

Scariest Hair-do/Hair-cut (thanks, Ma!):
My 4th grade Pixie-do. And it happened to be class picture day, so the terror lives on in the scrapbooks of school friends (who are very quick to pull out the photo at the drop of a hat).

Scariest Fairy Tale:
Red Riding Hood. Sheesh! What were they thinking - Brothers Grimm, right? - wolf, little girl, grandmother, violence, terror, a basket of goodies, and a red cape. Oh, the symbolism! I'm terrified just thinking about it.

Scariest Teacher:
Any teacher that made me do algebra. (See above)

"In The News" Scary

Scariest Current Events Tale:
Tie - Voting machine hacking, US Military Commissions Act of 2006 (torture bill) - Hey, just because I think someone's out to get me, doesn't mean they aren't!

Scariest US Politician:
Dick Cheney.

Scariest World Leader/Politician:
Simon Cowell.

Scariest Weapon of Mass Destruction:
Cigarette smoke.

Scariest Act-of-God Weather Event:
"It's Raining Men" - With my luck, a sumo wrestler would land on me (and my umbrella ain't that sturdy).

Scariest Bubble-Headed Celebrity:
Toughest of all categories. I'll pass over Mel Gibson and Madonna for Anna Nicole Smith.

In the Privacy of Your Own Home Weirdities

Scariest Thing in the Refrigerator:
That greeny-blue fuzzy thing. Cheese? An orange? Broccoli? Did I just see it move on its own?

Scariest Creepy-Crawly:
Big flying roaches.

Scariest Television Show:
Wife-Swap

Scariest Thing Found While Cleaning:
Unfamiliar underwear.

Scariest Computer Occurance:
A toss-up - Email chain letters / Viagra spam

Out-and-About

Scariest Public Transportation Experience:
Harry Potter's Knight Bus, complete with Rasta' shrunken head.

Scariest Restaurant Experience:
Hair in food.

Scariest Work Experience:
Liz definitely wins this one - wiping clean the hard drive on the computer at work. Oooh, the nightmares!

Scariest Vacation Experience:
A 10-day Caribbean cruise with a boatload of polyester-wearing seniors and their out-of-control grandchildren. (This is why I avoid cruise ships at all cost.)

What's haunting you? Perhaps there's a Spooklie just waiting for your own terror.

10 comments:

Joy Des Jardins said...

I love this....you had some really good ones...some I totally agree with. The Spooklie Awards....you kill me Mary.

Elsie said...

Big flying roaches would win The Spooklie, hands down, for me. Yuck! I've never seen one (or any roach for that matter, lucky me), but the thought of one is tooooo spooklie.

Liz said...

I saw something really spooklie yesterday: a Simon Cowell calendar! Can you believe that people would want him on their wall?

MaryB said...

Joy - didn't mean to kill you. (But it is in keeping with the Halloween spirit!)

Elsie - see what you miss by not living in the South? The flying roaches (they call them palmetto bugs in Florida) are worse during season changes. Just keep the Raid handy!

Liz - Simon Cowell. For 12 months. Wonder what those folks will be like after a year of staring at that guy? Shiver me timbers!

Elsie said...

Is Simon Cowell as popular "across the pond" as he is here? Crazy.

MaryB said...

Yup - that's why I gave him the Scariest World Leader Award. Yikes!

PT said...

There's too many spooklie things here for my liking. It's got me too scared to think of anything to say!

PT said...

Mary - I've emailed you about Sunday, but not sure if I got the right address! Can you let me know one way or t'other?

MaryB said...

Weybridge, here I come, PT and Jo! (But that's not on the Spooklie list.)

Winston said...

"Scariest Thing Found While Cleaning:
Unfamiliar underwear."

There's a million stories in the city. This is definitely one of them. Tell us more, Mary. Oh, I forgot, you left the country so you wouldn't have to deal with it...