I felt guilty when I walked by the church this morning. The doors were open, and the congregation was singing the closing hymn. I should've made more of an effort to get up and dressed instead of sleeping in and strolling to the park with Bailey just as the service was ending. Since moving to New York - to work at the church headquarters, mind you - I've had a hard time finding a church that's comfortable for me.I was warned about this before leaving Atlanta. And I was warned by New Yorkers. Folks just don't dress up and pile into churches on Sunday mornings up here. In Atlanta, however, that's a time-honored tradition, no matter your denomination - Baptist, Episcopal, Unitarian, Catholic, Pentecostal, mega-churches, mini-churches. You put on Sunday clothes (and yes, they're different from work-a-day clothes) and high-tail it to whatever faith community plucks your heavenly harp. Pray, sing, listen, teach, learn, laugh, cry, hug, coffee/donuts, engage, "how's yo' mama'n'em?" - the stereotypical Southern Sunday. It kinda ends the previous week and kicks off the next.
But I'm having a hard time with it here. We have both Morning Prayer and noon Eucharist at the Church Center every day, and I make sure I hit Eucharist at least once a week. But, there's no singing and no real sense of community. Everyone's sort of in their own little worship world. And though I have visited a couple of churches close to where I live over the past three months, neither revs my engine much.
One of my New York friends told me before I moved up here that people who go to church in NYC are soooo needy. "It's not like Atlanta, where people come in the door asking what they can do to help. No. Most of the church-goers in New York are either depressed and want to suck the life out of the clergy or there's some sort of prestige money-thing going on." Now, I don't believe that's totally true. Surely not. But there does seem to be a more oppressive than joyful atmosphere in the churches I've visited. It just seems easier to worship at the altar of the New York Times and Turner Classic Movies on Sunday mornings than to make the effort to go to church.
I know that I'm just missing my old Sunday routine. I miss wearing my Sunday clothes, that are presently squeezed to the back of the clothes rack in the studio apartment. I miss singing hymns - loud, loud, loud. I miss life-changing, well-delivered sermons. I miss my pew. I miss my angels in the window. I miss the dear, dear folks who shared the 9am Sunday service with me - even the ones I didn't know very well. I miss a packed church - shoving over to let more people in. I miss the joy, the familiarity.
And I just need to move on and find another place to worship here in New York. It's here. I just haven't found it. But I do need to keep looking.
4 comments:
Having lived north and south, I have experienced a bit of what you describe. It seems all this confirms that for those in the South, church really is an important social and community center, as much so as a place for spiritual balm.
I remember the small Suthun town I grew up in. Almost everybody in town went to church (Methodist, Baptist, Church of Christ, Presby, Pentecostal, and a couple of other smaller Protestant off-shoots) and since there was nothing else to do in that town, the church WAS the social scene, not just on Sunday, but there was something going on all week long. All these many years later, it's still somewhat like that, with the biggest difference being smaller congregations because people are busy and there are now more options.
Though I am not Jewish, I think you would most likely find the community you're looking for in NYC in synagogue. But since you're locked into Episcopal, my suggestion is not terribly helpful. Good luck with it ... just keep on looking. Shalom...
No doubt you will find a church meant for you, Mary. And to let you in on a little secret, you might try waiting just a bit longer -- just until after the kids go back to school. Here in the northeast, it's pretty much a tradition to skip church almost every Sunday in the summer. I don't know why, but it's been that way since I was a kid, no matter what church I attended. My grandfather was an Episcopal minister, and I remember doing it even then! I know you moved to NYC in the spring, but we lose a lot of parishoners on those Sundays, too, due to kids playing sports. It always picks up in the fall.
I completely understand missing your old church and your fellow parishoners. But maybe, just maybe, you're supposed to bring yourself to one of those places you don't feel comfortable to share your joy and "rev THEIR engines." Maybe there's a place out there that needs you more than you need them. Just a thought.
Keep looking. I'll be thinking 'bout you.
Elsie could be right about you being just what one of these churches might need.
Harlem?
Thanks for the comments, friends. Never mind me - I was just having a little moan. (And that guilt-thing, hearing the hymn as I walked by - I'm blaming that on my good Southern Baptist upbringing!)
I'll find my community here - I've just got to keep looking. The good Lord has a way of pushing me to wherever/whatever I need to be!
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