Why the Fat Lady Won't Sing

And why Hitchcock made horror films, Mao wore loose jackets, and Santa only works one night a year. They're fat.

Here's another one of those studies that somebody probably got all kinds of money to do and traveled to the four corners of the world to research. CNN News Flash: "Fat People Not More Jolly." Wow! Color me surprised. Seems there's a connection between obesity and depression. Why shut my mouth! (No, really, shut my mouth so I won't eat anymore and get depressed.)

I tell ya' friends, doing one of these studies is better than winning the lottery, especially since it seems rich organizations just can't keep from throwing the big bucks at something like this.

Hmm. Three things I'd like to research:

• Are people who frequent 5-star spas less stressed than people who don't?
• Which international city has the best restaurants?
• Does having a massive bank account help you live longer (all health issues being equal)?

But I'm open to other ideas.

I guess tomorrow they'll run the companion piece "Skinny People Not Very Jolly, Either." And the next day: "Jolly: What Nobody is Anymore." Perhaps I could do a study on where all the "jolly" went.