Meditationally-challenged

Lately, I've come back to the idea that maybe I wouldn't feel so scattered and unfocused if I could learn to meditate. You know - long deep breaths, clearing the mind, replenishing the aura, that sort of thing. But I have to tell you, I lack the meditation-gene. Not only do I lack the meditation-gene, the rest of my genes stand on guard against any little protozoa-meditation gene trying to rise from the primordial muck that is my brain. My whole being fights against it, and that is not good.

A long time ago I took a yoga class with a friend. My daughter was about 4 years old, so I had to spring for a sitter. Well, it became apparent pretty quickly that I was not cut out for either yoga or meditation. Yoga - well, I found the positions screamingly funny and my laughter seemed to distract the rest of the class (sheesh!). Who thought those things up, anyway? And as for meditation. . . I'd try to clear my mind, but it kept drifting to things like "Did I remember to put that load of clothes in the dryer?" or "If I can be the first out of this class and out of the parking lot, I might have time to pick up a few groceries before relieving the baby-sitter." When we'd have to think of a meditation word, I usually chose something I needed to remember - "juice-box" or "laundry."

So I thought, well look, I'm a single mother, I have too much on my brain, I'll come back to this later. And every few years I give it a go, and you know what? Nope, still meditating on words like "deadline" or "brochure" or - even better - "chocolate muffin." Also, I find I can concentrate and repeat a word or phrase while the rest of my brain is off somewhere else figuring what color to paint the living room.

The untrained brain. That's what I have. It's either on full blast, or off completely (and I'm asleep). I've tried to find good information on the internet about bringing some meditation discipline to my head, but it all seems very sappy-licious. I'm looking for hilarious meditation. Laughter meditation. Chocolate muffin meditation. Is there anything like that out there, I wonder?

For now, I'm off trying to keep the weekend balance of chores/relaxation. I'll be meditating on "paint" (I'm painting the trim in a bedroom) or "Pam" (I need to remember to pick some up at the store). Cheers!