The cure for the summertime (TV) blues

The hand-wringing over slumping movie box-office receipts is laughable. How stupid are these people (and the media that keep reporting it)? If anyone tried to poll me on it, I'd strap 'em to a comfy chair for a week and force feed 'em Turner Classic Movies. TCM has done a beautiful job this summer demonstrating classic film-making and unsurpassed entertainment. Its "Summer Under the Stars" campaign rolls out gem after gem after gem, from 6 in the morning to well after midnight (and darn it, because I can't stay up that late and I don't have TiVo).

A 30-something friend at work pulls the TCM monthly schedules, highlights what he wants to see, then hands the list to me so that I can make sure he doesn't miss a classic. And I don't mean the usual Casablanca Citizen Kane classics, either (because those are certainly marked). C'mon - everybody needs to see iconic films like Where the Boys Are, The Russians are Coming/The Russians are Coming, The Long, Long Trailer, and The Thin Man series (and I could go on and on).

Watching the critical, as well as the fun or silly, classics, here's what my strapped-to-the-chair-"boohoo-why-isn't-anybody-going-to-movies-anymore" person would recognize for him/herself:

1. Real movies have stories (plots, scripts, good writing - however you want to say it). If the story ain't there, yo' money is wasted.
2. Real movies have people who talk to each other, with conversations that move the story along (see above). Nothing makes movie-minutes fly by faster than well-written dialogue. (How many times can we watch Jack Nicholson try to order toast in Five Easy Pieces? A million times. Brilliantly written, brilliantly played. No special-effects needed.)
3. Real movies are made by craftsmen/women. Directors, actors, writers, Directors of Photography, set design, editing, lighting, sound, wardrobe - every shot, every frame a little work of art. Money has nothing to do with it, since some of the best were made on the cheap or made before bells-and-whistles made things so expensive (though these craftsmen most certainly deserve every penny they earn).
   

Now, don't think I'm a cinema-luddite. I like an occasional special-effects orgy, but it takes a lot to impress me special-effects-wise now (and I suspect the same is true even for 9-year-old boys). Nothing impresses me more than a well-crafted script, exceptional cinematography, and solid acting. Let the story come to the front and then - wowser! - ya' got me hooked. To Kill a Mockingbird, Alfie (the real one with Michael Caine), The Palm Beach Story, The Women - oh shoot, just pull up the TCM site and plan your TV time.

In these crazy, unsettling times, these films will tell you more about what it means to be an American or a citizen of the world than any politician or news analyst.

Climbing down from soap-box now.