No wonder I'm confused

So, is the surge working or not?

Is Madeleine L'Engle really dead, or did she just find a tesseract?

Is Larry Craig gay? Straight? Resigning? Not resigning? What day is it? (I figure the minute a public figure answers a ludicrous charge with an extreme declaration -"I am not gay," "I did not have sexual relations with that woman," "I am not a crook" - then, by golly, put your money on just the opposite.)

Why are techno-computery things names after fruit? What is it about fruit? Why not use animals, or geologic ages, or the periodic table, or the Monday night television schedule from 1962?

Britney, Britney, Britney. What were you thinking?

How am I helping the environment if I pick up and dispose of Bailey's dog poo from the sidewalk with plastic bags? And wouldn't it be just as big a recycling waste if I used paper bags? (And no, I'm not going to pick the poo up in my hand and put it "live" into a trash can.)

Steve Fossett: dead or alive? Oh, yeah? Then where is he?

Madeleine Little-Missing-Girl-in-Portugal-or-Wherever: dead or alive? Oh, yeah? Then where is she?

Now how many children will this make for Angelina and Brad if they adopt another one? (And can't they do it without so much publicity? Same for you, Madonna.)

Should I worry more about losing my job or retirement?

If it ain't over till it's over, when is it over?