Brother, can you spare $700 billion?

Whew! I'm really feelin' it for all of you big-time investors out there. Such a roller coaster ride (on the downhill side)! OK, I'm really not feeling it so much, since I'm pretty small potatoes in the investment game. And I managed to sell my Atlanta house in December 2006 just before the bottom fell out. I have no car. No silver (well, not much), gold, fine antiques, or a library of first editions. As daughter Kate said the other day, for once I'm glad I don't have any assets. How true, darlin'.

It's kind of interesting reliving 1929. I guess things really do go in cycles. Since I am at the complete mercy of the Powers That Be and refuse to check my 401K balance until 2014, I'm taking the Mildly Interested Outsider approach to the current financial meltdown of Wall Street and Washington DC. To be sure, it's a big ol' whackin' great mess.

I have no answers or advice, except to learn to love canned beans and cheap pasta. But I don't feel bad about not having solutions because I haven't heard anything from the rich and/or powerful, either. Guess we're all in the same boat, except that I don't feel the urge to fling myself out of my 5th floor window - not about this thing, anyway.

Can we take any clues from the Crash of '29 and the Great Depression about how to get through it all? Hm.

• Dress styles will change from short and flirty to long and drab. Get a jump on that right now and make a quick buck.



• "Homeless" will morph back into "hobo." A hobo is really cool (unlike homeless). Find yourself a stick and kerchief knapsack and get to the nearest passing train.



• Big Hollywood musicals and curly-headed stars will hit the screens any day now. Start sparklin' up those little Shirleys so you'll be ready for the casting calls.



• No more Hoovervilles, but Bushtowns instead. Stake your claim early for the most advantageous campfire location.



• Buy low, sell high. If you can't do that, just hang on to what you got. Simma' down!

Fortunately, it's just about prime apple season. I'm already planning my tricked-out apple stall at Park and 51st. (I've claimed it; go find another spot fer yerselves.) Ain't life interesting?

Once I built a tower, up to the sun, brick, and rivet, and lime;
Once I built a tower, now it's done. Brother, can you spare a dime?
(Or $700 billion. Inflation, you know.)