Oh, sure, everyone's talking about tonight's Oscar presentation, but I have my own awards ceremony lovingly called The Shortys. These are awards categories you'd love to see - but never will - at the Academy Awards. The Shortys call upon funny/painful/boring memories of shelling out $57.27 to see a variety of pig-in-a-poke films over the last year. 'Nary a stinkin' Price Waterhouse envelope in sight.Here are a few of the categories that filmmakers will be jostling for tonight:
- Best Picture to Carry on a Conversation Through
- Best Picture to Sleep Through
- Best Lead/Supporting Film Prop
- Loudest, Most Irritating Film Score
- Best Use of Food in a Movie
- Most Tiresome Historical Drama
- Best Wet-Your-Seat Horror Film
- Best Wet-Your-Seat Comedy
- Most Annoying Actor/Actress
- Film Most Likely to Attract an Audience Full of Whiny, Yakking Kids
This year's Grand Pajama Bottom Prize category? "Most Likely Reason Audiences Avoid Movie Theatres Like the Plague." And the nominees are:
- Exorbitant Ticket Prices
- Astronomical Movie Snacks Prices
- Endless Commercials
- Ear-Bleedingly Loud Sound Systems
- Overly-Chatty Film Audiences
- That Funny, Unidentifiable Smell . . .
As always, feel free to add your own categories.
7 comments:
the Oscars are sooo dull and bare little resemblance to what people have actually enjoyed watching during a year. But just like the Oscars suggest it being a night for Brokeback Mountain (dull as arse - i can tell without seeing it!) I think it would wipe the floor with your award list too .....hold on let me check
# Best Picture to Carry on a Conversation Through
# Best Picture to Sleep Through
# Best Lead/Supporting Film Prop
# Loudest, Most Irritating Film Score
# Best Use of Food in a Movie
# Most Tiresome Historical Drama
# Best Wet-Your-Seat Horror Film
# Best Wet-Your-Seat Comedy
# Most Annoying Actor/Actress
Yes in all cases i'd give the award to Brokeback Mountain!! Even the Best Horror, mainly because if I had a cowboy want to ride my rear it would stand out as a horror to me!!!! (now i cant help but think of the theme to Rawhide, did they use that in the film? It would have been fitting)
Move em on, head em out!!! (i think i might regret this comment after I publish it)
Well, I for one think you came up with some stellar categories. I'll have to give them some great thought. Thanks Mary...enjoy the show tonight.
At a tangent - only last week I was trying to remember Goldie Hawn's catchphrase from Rowan & Martin. Anyone help?
Liz - "Sock it to me!", I believe.
Ah, it's nice to see Dan and Dick's Fickle Finger of Fate again.
Some categories:
# Best Movie To Wait For The DVD Release.
# Longest Credit Sequences.
# Most Contrived Plot (see that recent Jodie Foster film, the one on the plane).
Ah, yes, that's right, thank you.
Now here's the man to whom the news wouldn't be the news without the news, here's Dickie.
Wow! Who knew Laugh-In had such a UK following? Look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls!
Actually Judy Carne was the 'Sock It To Me' girl.
Pete was weaned on the Laugh-In. Jo probably heard it whilst still in the womb and was, in fact, named after Joanne Worley. (Oops, I just googled her to check how to spell her surname, only to find that her Christian name(s)'s Jo Anne. Still, as my daughter is only ever known as Jo I doubt if it matters now.)
Verrry eenteresting...
Say goodnight, Dick.
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