Heretical Thoughts on Holy Week

I've always wondered what Jesus might think about the Christian observance of Holy Week, especially Good Friday. 

"Seriously, people. Why so much focus on the absolute worst week and day of my life?"

"I get celebrating the Resurrection, but the awful week that preceded it? Nah."

"I love what y'all do at Christmas, though, even though it's not really my birthday. (I was born in April, by the way.) The lights, the presents, cinnamon/pine/peppermint - a splendid birthday celebration, so thank you." 

"Really, you can appreciate the empty tomb without making us all relive the trial, the agony, the torture."

"So go forth and bless the incoming of Spring - flowers, bunnies, Peeps, Cadbury Eggs. It's kind of a mini-birthday celebration rolled into the Resurrection story. That I enjoy. But making me relive that terrible week and day over and over and over? I'd rather not."

"And don't even get me started on Lent."

"More Christmas. Less 'Holy Week,' because it was flat-out UN-holy for me." 

"Love y'all. All of y'all. Spend more time living out the Beatitudes. That's what I really want."